The Greatest Gift

Normally I try to create new posts centered around cute pictures of the kids, or reports on the newest and funnest happenings at the Hansen house...but today I just have write down a semi horrid and yet beautiful parenting and spiritual lesson that I learned today....

It's mother's day 2013, I'm 36 weeks pregnant-achy and exhausted going on day 3 of John being out of town (as I type this he's just pulled in to Corpus Christi Texas....2,100 miles and 33 hours of driving away from us here in Moscow Idaho) My patience has worn thin, and having just spent a week on bed rest, away from my children at my aunt's house in Spokane...I'm trying to adjust to basically being a mother again! We learned last summer with John traveling so much that day 3 of him being gone marks the beginning of emotional mania (that lasts for about 3 days)...having learned this pattern last year, the following situation should have gone MUCH differently....HOWEVER...the end result is so incredibly priceless, that I wouldn't change a thing......

I had just dressed the children, and was ready to walk out the door to church when Carter announced she needed to go potty....we've been stressing independence and doing things for herself...she has a phobia that her dress will go in the potty, and therefore decided that she needed help taking it off....basically we went round and round and round arguing about the dress (a total pick your battles moment) I kept trying to show her different ways to remedy the problem without taking it off, the further we got into it the more emotional and frustrated we both got...in my mind I was thinking "Good golly I'm just trying to help you learn this easy skill that is essential for all dress wearing girls" and "I'll be darned if I'm going to take off the dress I just put on you, just to put it back on you in 2 minutes".....in her mind I imagine something like this "I really don't want my dress to go in the toilet (ewe gross) why won't mom just help me, I can't undo the ties and the buttons by myself...she's getting mad and scaring me, and gosh darn it I can't stop crying because I miss my dad"

Finally I got so sick of trying to explain why I wanted her to try to leave the dress on, and the multiple ways she could accomplish that, I spun her around swatted her bum and sent her upstairs to "figure it out" because I wasn't going to help her take her dress off (real mature I know...I find that putting her in a pickle like that is usually the best way to get her to realize how capable she actually is, and it usually works)... she stomped up the stairs, slammed the bathroom door while screaming that she wanted a different mom, and missed her dad....a few minutes later after I thought I'd regained my patience I hear her scream that she broke her dress....fuming I marched up the stairs to find that she had indeed ripped the ties out of the sides of her dress...I'd finally had it, I put her on the potty while holding her dress and tried talking her down and out of her melt down (nice try mom!) the melt down continued all the way to the car and all the way to church....."My legs are too tired to walk....the car seat hurts me....I don't like this music...you make me sad....I miss my dad".....That's finally when it hit me....I really had been a mean mom, and truly broken her heart....and the base of it all was that we were both tired and missing John....I felt truly shameful for not showing a Christ like love and patience in her moment of turmoil....

I started sobbing along with her and had to pull the car over, my huge pregnant self climbed into the very back seat of the van where I could reach her, and as best I could I embraced her and apologized for being so mean, I had to explain how I get grumpy, frustrated and angry too when I miss Daddy and that I would try very hard, and ask Heavenly Father to help me be more patient and nice, we were able to talk about missing Daddy and how sad we would continue to be until we got to be with him...of course being the most beautiful and forgiving creature on earth, through sobs and tears she told me it was ok, and that she'd like to snuggle me at church (talk about feeling undeserving)....she still cried the rest of the way to church, and all the way in to the church...so we had to take 5 in the mother's room to finish calming down...in the end she was "Too tired to walk to the chapel" and too heavy for me to carry (since technically I'm still on bed rest) Finally the Spirit whispered a simple solution to our problem, and then  I explained to her....."Carter, if we go into the chapel, and sit with our church family, and sing the songs and listen to the prayers we will both feel better...she immediately stopped crying looked at me thoughtfully and said "You're right mom, let's go sit in the chapel"....how inspiring and tender for a little girl to recognize the sweet peace and comfort that the Holy Spirit can give to us if we choose to stand in holy places, what an amazing opportunity to teach about obedience, church attendance, surrounding ourselves with good friends and the power of spiritual music and of prayer....

The rest of church carried on as normal...blessedly Owen went to nursery without too much of a fuss and was well behaved and Carter marched happily off to primary with her friends....later I got a report from the Primary president that she gave the "cutest prayer"....I started crying the minute I heard these words.... she said "Please bless Daddy and keep him safe...and Thank you for my Mommy loves me SO much!"

How is it that these little children are so wise! Here I was trying to teach a lesson about peeing without your dress falling into the toilet...and she ended up teaching me about forgiveness, tenderness and love? We are SO incredibly blessed to have these sweet children, among us.........really this day could have continued to go down hill, but I received the greatest gift of forgiveness from a 4 yr old, and that really is best thing that I could have received this mother's day!