The Greatest Gift

Normally I try to create new posts centered around cute pictures of the kids, or reports on the newest and funnest happenings at the Hansen house...but today I just have write down a semi horrid and yet beautiful parenting and spiritual lesson that I learned today....

It's mother's day 2013, I'm 36 weeks pregnant-achy and exhausted going on day 3 of John being out of town (as I type this he's just pulled in to Corpus Christi Texas....2,100 miles and 33 hours of driving away from us here in Moscow Idaho) My patience has worn thin, and having just spent a week on bed rest, away from my children at my aunt's house in Spokane...I'm trying to adjust to basically being a mother again! We learned last summer with John traveling so much that day 3 of him being gone marks the beginning of emotional mania (that lasts for about 3 days)...having learned this pattern last year, the following situation should have gone MUCH differently....HOWEVER...the end result is so incredibly priceless, that I wouldn't change a thing......

I had just dressed the children, and was ready to walk out the door to church when Carter announced she needed to go potty....we've been stressing independence and doing things for herself...she has a phobia that her dress will go in the potty, and therefore decided that she needed help taking it off....basically we went round and round and round arguing about the dress (a total pick your battles moment) I kept trying to show her different ways to remedy the problem without taking it off, the further we got into it the more emotional and frustrated we both got...in my mind I was thinking "Good golly I'm just trying to help you learn this easy skill that is essential for all dress wearing girls" and "I'll be darned if I'm going to take off the dress I just put on you, just to put it back on you in 2 minutes".....in her mind I imagine something like this "I really don't want my dress to go in the toilet (ewe gross) why won't mom just help me, I can't undo the ties and the buttons by myself...she's getting mad and scaring me, and gosh darn it I can't stop crying because I miss my dad"

Finally I got so sick of trying to explain why I wanted her to try to leave the dress on, and the multiple ways she could accomplish that, I spun her around swatted her bum and sent her upstairs to "figure it out" because I wasn't going to help her take her dress off (real mature I know...I find that putting her in a pickle like that is usually the best way to get her to realize how capable she actually is, and it usually works)... she stomped up the stairs, slammed the bathroom door while screaming that she wanted a different mom, and missed her dad....a few minutes later after I thought I'd regained my patience I hear her scream that she broke her dress....fuming I marched up the stairs to find that she had indeed ripped the ties out of the sides of her dress...I'd finally had it, I put her on the potty while holding her dress and tried talking her down and out of her melt down (nice try mom!) the melt down continued all the way to the car and all the way to church....."My legs are too tired to walk....the car seat hurts me....I don't like this music...you make me sad....I miss my dad".....That's finally when it hit me....I really had been a mean mom, and truly broken her heart....and the base of it all was that we were both tired and missing John....I felt truly shameful for not showing a Christ like love and patience in her moment of turmoil....

I started sobbing along with her and had to pull the car over, my huge pregnant self climbed into the very back seat of the van where I could reach her, and as best I could I embraced her and apologized for being so mean, I had to explain how I get grumpy, frustrated and angry too when I miss Daddy and that I would try very hard, and ask Heavenly Father to help me be more patient and nice, we were able to talk about missing Daddy and how sad we would continue to be until we got to be with him...of course being the most beautiful and forgiving creature on earth, through sobs and tears she told me it was ok, and that she'd like to snuggle me at church (talk about feeling undeserving)....she still cried the rest of the way to church, and all the way in to the church...so we had to take 5 in the mother's room to finish calming down...in the end she was "Too tired to walk to the chapel" and too heavy for me to carry (since technically I'm still on bed rest) Finally the Spirit whispered a simple solution to our problem, and then  I explained to her....."Carter, if we go into the chapel, and sit with our church family, and sing the songs and listen to the prayers we will both feel better...she immediately stopped crying looked at me thoughtfully and said "You're right mom, let's go sit in the chapel"....how inspiring and tender for a little girl to recognize the sweet peace and comfort that the Holy Spirit can give to us if we choose to stand in holy places, what an amazing opportunity to teach about obedience, church attendance, surrounding ourselves with good friends and the power of spiritual music and of prayer....

The rest of church carried on as normal...blessedly Owen went to nursery without too much of a fuss and was well behaved and Carter marched happily off to primary with her friends....later I got a report from the Primary president that she gave the "cutest prayer"....I started crying the minute I heard these words.... she said "Please bless Daddy and keep him safe...and Thank you for my Mommy loves me SO much!"

How is it that these little children are so wise! Here I was trying to teach a lesson about peeing without your dress falling into the toilet...and she ended up teaching me about forgiveness, tenderness and love? We are SO incredibly blessed to have these sweet children, among us.........really this day could have continued to go down hill, but I received the greatest gift of forgiveness from a 4 yr old, and that really is best thing that I could have received this mother's day!

Learning and growing

A few of our favorite "kid things" as of late!

O: "Mawny...yee haw?....Mawny..yee haw pease?"

Translation..."Mommy, I want to ride my horse yee haw that Nana gave me and sis for our birthdays, will you help me get up and down?"

O: "Thhhisss....Thhissy" = Sis...Sissy

O: "Uh oh, Thissy cry"

O: "NO WAY" (Loud and clear!)

***Owen is the funniest dude ever, most people only ever see his VERY serious, VERY shy, VERY angry and aggressive side...HOWEVER amidst his tantrums and angry spells that you just have to ignore (there's no talking him down or out of his anger) he's the sweetest little boy that is trying SOOOO hard to be a good brother and nice friend...he loves to dance, he loves to sing, he loves to be silly and dress up with his sister, he loves to read books, and to play rough with cars and trains...my ABSOLUTE most FAVORITE thing about this kid is how he often speaks in what we classify as dinosaur...quite often he'll only respond in a deep gravelly, growly voice that sits between big beast and slightly demonic sounding...his laugh usually follows suit with an evil deep cackle that came from I DON'T KNOW where...but I LOVE IT, it cracks me up every time!!! He's beginning to learn to "Do his part" and "Be responsible" phrases heard often around our house, he loves to help put dishes away or load the dishwasher, and if in a decent mood is a GREAT picker upper of toys, a great duster and window clean and floor scrubber!!! Maybe the sweetest and most endearing thing about this boy are his facial expressions, from silly to serious, angry to sweet this boy can melt his momma's heart with an impish grin thrown over his shoulder, or a sad little pup pout with those BIG brown eyes, but best of all are those sweet little "I love you" eyes that look up at me when in a rare moment of peace and quiet we snuggle together until he falls asleep!

Now for Miss Carter Grace, my silly sassy nutkin....where to begin?!!!

C: "Mom come see where I hanged the Jesus picture in my room"

Me: "Ok...oh nice, I love how you put it right above your bed, but where's the cupcake picture that was there?"

C: "I put it in my closet for safe keeping"

Me: "Who taught you how to say safe keeping?" (I've never said it)

C: "Um, Jesus told me"

C: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are blue"

C: "You raise me up...so I can be with you..." (Sung in her loudest, operatic voice to match Josh Groban)

C: (While lounging in the bath) "Mom, I'm just so laxed right now"

C: "Mom, chipmunks don't have bones"

***There are so many other cute and wonderful things she's said lately, but my brain just can't find them right now...I'm loving each new stage we roll into with her, it gets me excited for Owen's development over the years!!! Some days I SWEAR I can see the wheels turning in her little head, it's curiously fun to follow her thought process, I'm no longer able to always stay one step ahead of her because her brain clicks and moves SO fast, but I love the opportunities we find to sit and talk! Now that she's in preschool and learning SO many fundamentals that I should have could have been teaching her at home, I tend to focus more on spiritual discussions with her, today we discussed Jesus, and how he died on the cross...her lesson in primary was about  Easter, and she told me how it made her sad that the mean men put Jesus on the cross, and how after he died the angel moved the big rock and Mary went to see him but he wasn't there any more...not too long ago my sister and brother in law treated us to ice cream and we were able to discuss how kind and generous it was that they used their money to buy our treat, and that we should be kind too..."Just like Jesus" she reminded me! We've done so good at establishing family prayer, before we went to visit Nana Carter prayed every night for sunny weather so she could play on Nana's big yellow slide...and wouldn't you know it...we got to have a little talk about how God hears and answers our prayers; the ENTIRE week we were at Nana's we got to play outside on the big yellow slide!!!

She's such a spunky gal, she loves going to school and seeing her friends, she loves her rock collection and helping mom cook, but these days isn't as enchanted with cleaning! She reminds us every day how big and grown up she is, and when in trouble her automated response is "Owen did it"...she loves to sing VERY loudly (causing the church congregation to chuckle!) and can shake her booty like a pop star, she has an imagination that knows no bounds and will still spend hours playing with random objects that mystically become the "mom' and "dad" of whatever game she fancies. She's a very sensitive little girl, who wears her heart on her sleeve, there's a sweet innocence in her soft and glowing features that's absolutely endearing, she has big dark eyes that I swear can see into the depths of my soul and that are certainly knowing beyond her years....when she's peacefully asleep her features turn rosy soft, and I'm shocked at how in an instant I can get SO upset thinking about how time will rob her of that sweet innocence, and how I can't bear the thought of her never being 3 yrs old ever again, or how someday she'll want to leave me, and how one day I'll have to share her with boys-and eventually a spouse....and yet it's ok, because she'll always be mine, for ever and ever and ever and ever!!!

4+1 little Liam

As usual with each pregnancy, I finally eek out a belly picture at the beginning of the end...meaning, I finally rounded the bend in to the third trimester, and have officially declared it acceptable to countdown in weeks now instead of months!!! I now declare that I have 9 weeks left (that's based on the hopes that he'll come a healthy 3 weeks early like Owen!) If I say I have 12 weeks (which would fall on my due date) that could be counted as 3 months and THAT my friends sounds completely and utterly unacceptable! 

 I haven't chronicled this pregnancy as well as I did the other two so for my record keeping here's a short rundown...

Top 5 things that I've hated this pregnancy:

1: Feeling overly tired and depressed for an extended period of time, causing serious grouchiness, lazy mothering and an overwhelming sense of gloom and darkness

2: Not feeling like I wanted to be pregnant or wanted another baby anytime soon (can we say HUGE guilt and depression for the last 6 months)

3: Eh....intense and painful issues from previous birthing damage, and other issues stemming from last years gall bladder surgery, and old back injuries

4: Thinking I was going to have a girl for 5 months, only to find out that we're having a Liam instead of an Emersyn (which was my girl name)

5: Feeling hormonally out of control, a complete mean mom, and horrible nasty wife...what a horrible feeling to literally be able to feel something "off" in your body and mind that you can't control, but can only dim with supplements and medication

Top 5 things that I've loved this pregnancy:

1: To this day I have yet to throw up!!! Not even from having the flu (knock on wood) with Carter I had the stomach flu and pneumonia just before I had her...with Owen I had the stomach flu and then bronchitis right be fore I had him...So I'm feeling quite fortunate that neither myself....OR my children OR my husband have had any sicknesses during this years nasty cold and flu season!!!

2: Having fun conversations with Carter about baby Liam growing in my tummy, hearing her tales of growing a puppy in her tummy,  and debating over names with her for her new brother....watching Owen go from testosterone angry little man to a sweet puddle of smiles when he sees a tiny little baby!

3: Although I feel as huge as I look, I still feel absolutely beautiful, in thanks especially to John, who's eyes can never tell a lie, and when he embraces me, rubs my belly and tells me I'm beautiful and sexy to him, there's undeniable truth sparkling in those eyes!

4: Finally at 29 weeks feeling a complete and utterly sugary sweet oozing of excitement and joy over adding another little one to our family (wowza, those hormones are SCARY the first 2 trimesters)

5: Feeling little Liam wiggle and squirm, knowing that as the days tick by, he's active safe and sound, CAN NOT wait to see his sweet face, and nuzzle his peachy little cheeks with my nose!!! We've had too many friends and family experience tragedy and loss during pregnancy for me not to feel on edge, therefore I feel EXTREMELY blessed, and quite frankly LUCKY that things have always gone relatively smoothly and well.

Love my babies...sassy pants, angry man child tantrums and all, life wouldn't be as sweet if they weren't here and mine!

We're sure getting excited for little Liam Craig Hansen to arrive, thankfully the naming process has gotten easier with each baby...we joke that Owen Luke was named after the Wilson brother's, Owen and Luke, because we love their movies so much...so of course it was fitting that we settle on Liam Craig, because John thinks Liam Neeson is a stud, and I think Daniel Craig (Bond) is a SUPER stud!!! Actually we chose the name before we thought of the connections, same as with Owen but we get a chuckle out of it...doesn't every kid go through a "Why did you name me ________" phase? I liked the name Walker for a boy, but John couldn't stomach answering that question with "Because we're suckers for Chuck Norris jokes, and thought we should name you after his most famous character...Walker Texas Ranger" Hahaha! I still love the name Walker though...I think I picked up that one from a western romance novel :)

I love to watch my children interact (when they're not fighting!) and watch them grow together as siblings, it brings back many memories, and much joy from my own childhood. When I was pregnant with Owen I couldn't fathom how I could love another child as much as I did Carter....now I think how empty life would be without that extra love and joy he's brought into our family (along with much frustration and exhaustion!) and I know it will only increase and be more glorious and grand with Liam!!!

Jourggling...

So many cute things to post today, the vocabulary and thought process of an almost 4 yr old sure make for some entertaining memories, definitely worth jourggling about....how do you like that new fancy word I've made up??? Jourggling: Meaning to journal in blog form....if I say I'm "blogging" I feel like I have to be a professional that advertises or claims some expertise or something or other...but if I say I'm "journaling" well that seems like a chore that will never get done and never end....so I'm JOURGGLING!!!!

I'm pretty sure I have one of the funniest almost 4 yr olds on earth...I love to sit and ask her questions, and anxiously await her sometimes creative....sometimes logical...sometimes analytical and sometimes silly answers!!! The other day I noticed her sucking on her finger, and then shoving it up her nose....when asked why she was doing this....her reply: "So I can put water on my boogies, and make them soft so I can get them out.....see I can't (insert strong sniff) sniff it down so it has to come out"....I've never thought to try it, but hey...sounds logical...just might work!

Later that day we looked through an Ensign magazine that was all about temples...we talked about why he have them, why we go to them, how special we feel there, and how beautiful they are...of course we talked about getting married there and I explained in short the process of kneeling at the altar with the boy you really love and how you have to repeat some words and then you can kiss the boy and everyone there is so happy for you....she promptly got a terrified and semi repulsed look on her face, and angrily said "That is too scary for me?"...I tried to talk to her about what was too scary but she shut down...I approached the subject again later....to find out that she doesn't like to kiss boys and that it's icky!!!....awwww.....atta girl! You just keep that attitude for another 20 yrs or so! Of course, she couldn't be convinced that some day she would really want to kiss them and would like it ta-boot!!!

Every day Carter gets up at the crack of dawn....slowly now I've noticed a set pattern of funny rituals that she follows out each and every morning...lets just say this kids really likes routine and things done her way...first of all she goes potty, while in the bathroom she climbs up on the toilet to reach a shelf which up until recently held my few expensive and sentimental pieces of jewelry....well, she would take my jewels out or a little box and replace it with her cheap plastic ones...I would remove hers and put mine back that were always sitting on the counter waiting for me...until one day they were not waiting for me...after a slight interrogation she was able to promptly find my missing jewels in her room....I learned my lesson, they're now WAY up and out of sight even....HOWEVER there's one jewelry ritual I've let continue and it cracks me up EVERY MORNING...it's the BEST way to start my day.......when I awaken and slowly haul my fat pregnant and groggy self up the stairs to the bathroom...I'm greeted by this silly, slight of 4 yr old hand.....

....."Carter" I say....."were you playing with my earrings this morning?"....her reply.... "Um....(insert silly mischievous grin)...yes Mommy"....I say "I thought I asked you not to touch my jewels (although these are cheap, they are my fave, and I wear them every day)".....she says... "well, I just like them like that because now one is like a girl and one is like a boy".......

Do you see it??? The "girl" and the "boy"...the fuzzy picture is bad, but you get the point, by turning the earring back around it becomes a beautiful dress for a one legged princess!!! BAHAHAHA!!! It's our silly little morning ritual that melts my heart! 

 I don't have much on Owen today, except that the closer he gets to his second birthday which is only a month and a half away (WHATTT???) he amazes me with these bursts of development....he's grown so tall, although not any more proportionate to his BIG head...he's learning to be a big boy, and try to say words and talk to people instead of yelling and hitting all of the time...he's eager to sleep in a twin bed rather than a crib (but he still likes being caged and sleeps well, so for now he stays put...at least until he figures how to climb out!)....and although they have a love hate relationship he really loves to play with "Thissy"....and gets so sad now that......

 Sissy gets to go to preschool, from 10:30- 2 Monday through Thursday!!!

Today was her first day, we signed her up at the preschool across the street mid-year because after telling myself "She gets one more year of preschool, we'll just wait till next year"...I realized that the little big girl needed something special, just for her that made her feel big, important and special!!! We were going to put her in dance or gymnastics, but money goes fast and this preschool is free!!!

 We decided to take a few traditional first day of school photos, of course brother just HAD to be in a few! Look and this girls happy, excited, twinkly shining face!!! She was so grown up and brave about going to school, I think she could have quite confidently walked herself across the street, marched into the classroom and jumped right in...when we dropped her off she gave me a kiss and then off she went...the teacher reported she was a little hesitant for a while, but eased in, and was SUCH a GOOD GIRL!!! I couldn't be more proud....I didn't think I'd have a moment of..."golly, I'm leaving my baby girl with strangers for almost 4 hours" but I did, and silly me... the scariest part...leaving her in the midst of kids who could be mean and break her little heart...thankfully she has 4 or 5 friends that she knows from church and the neighborhood in class, so I knew she'd be fine!